Getting Real Personal Real Fast.

You read that title and you're like "Woah now! Whatcha doing?!" We're gonna get real personal real fast. I want to say ahead of time, that I'm not boasting in the sense that I have something greater, I'm more going off the verse in 2 Corinthians where Paul says that he will boast in his weakness because then the power of Christ may rest on me (2 Cor. 12:9). To be honest, I almost didn't write this. During worship at house church tonight, I got the message from God to write this out, that it may encourage someone, but in my head, now 3 hours later, I start to doubt. I start to want to hide it back away in it's hole far away. I begin thinking that people will think I'm trying to get attention, trying to plaster my struggles all over the internet and thus the world. And I promise you that's not the case. If you know me well, you know I'm a very private person. I have a (bad) habit of hiding my struggles to where only me and God see them, and thus, the struggles don't get dealt with until months and even years afterward. So, basically, long story short, I pray that this post, finds itself, in the hands of those that need it, that need the encouragement.

Our world is very materialistic; we all know that. It's all about the bigger and better things. That new phone, that new house, that new job, that new purse, that new outfit, that new whatever. Bigger and Better. And out of that same mentality, the world views relationships. That girl must have the gorgeous, hot boyfriend. That guy must have that super attractive, hot girlfriend. And when you get tired of them, then we'll drop them, and we'll go get a new one. There's other fish in the sea right?! And if you don't have one at all, well then, somethings wrong with you...

I got that message all throughout high school. I love people's reaction when I say I've never dated anyone. Never dated anyone in high school, didn't go to my high school proms, haven't dated in college yet. And I used to get really frustrated, and to be honest, there are for sure still times of frustration. There are times when I look at God and say "WHY?! Why me? Why of all people, did you pick me?! You know I feel sometimes like an outcast right?! Like I'm that un-dateable girl that no one wants! Is this what you want for me?!" And His answer is always, "But I love you. And THAT should be enough." I especially went through the feelings of frustration in high school. I didn't understand. I was confused, frustrated, hurt, mad, exhausted from it, etc. I remember waiting nearing prom, hoping that maybe someone would ask Morgan, but it never happened. And this rooted itself into loneliness and then that branched off into decreased self-worth and self-image. I hated myself. I didn't like what I saw in the mirror. And I'm sure there are people reading this that knew me that would say, "But you didn't act like you didn't like yourself! You were very happy. I think you are mistaken." I'm not mistaken, refer back to paragraph uno. I was even more private then than I am now.

Yes, sitting here in my sophomore/junior year of college, I still sometimes feel those emotions. They still occasionally come, they were especially here back in August, when some pain from months prior finally hit home. But I've learned several things since those few years of high school. 1) I've learned that not having a boyfriend, does not label you as unwanted, unloved, or ugly. I realized later that God had placed a special protection over me. He knew what would result in my self-worth if I had a relationship that failed. I wasn't ready for that. I thought I was at the time, but I wasn't, my emotions and my self-worth were too fragile; my trust could be shattered too easily. And so, I've learned to view it through that lens. God has me saved for someone very special that will walk into my life at the time that God decrees. I can try to fight God on it, but it's not going to change anything really and isn't going to be beneficial. 2) I've learned that before God places that person into my life, my set goal, aside from striving for the Kingdom, should be to prepare myself for that person. To continue to dig into my relationship with God, to create roots so deep in Him, to continue to work through my struggles, so that when that person comes around, I'm not carrying 5 suitcases with me of past junk to weigh down our relationship. I know I need to work on some more patience, some strength, definitely some more trust. Recently, I've really been working on beauty. For one of the first times in a while, after I got ready this morning, I looked in the mirror and thought I was actually beautiful, and then when I got ready for bed, I still thought I was beautiful. That there is a big accomplishment in my life, and there is still more to come! 3) God is my lover. One of the biggest problems with being in society and the world, is that we want to put our relationship in front of or instead of our relationship with God. But that's wrong. We MUST put Him first ALWAYS. God will make sure that this handsome gentleman does not walk into my life until He is constantly first in my life, and quite honestly, I've asked Him to do that! He was already doing it, but since then, I have asked for that. God is my lover, my pursuer, and I must place Him where He belongs as the center of my life in all areas before someone else steps in.

This is never easy. Being a young woman and having no one, except for that guy that wants to share your umbrella because it's raining and he forgot his, show interest in you, is never easy. It goes against what society says we should have and it goes against our personal need for affection. We want people to want us, but we have to remember that God wants us more than anyone else, and we have to want Him more than anyone else. I don't have it all figured out, and I'll never have it all figured out. I just know that yeah, if you're going through the same thing, then you're not alone. I thought I was. I wasn't. Because even if by chance, no one else is around that has been through that, God is truly right next to me and He suffered it all. You're never alone. Never ever ever. And that's an amazing truth! And never settle for second rate. God wants the best for you, and if you settle for second rate, you won't be happy. I have my boundaries clearly set for when that relationship comes, and I will not negotiate them. They are what they are and they are there for a purpose. End of story. I'm preparing myself for the best Christian relationship possible, where God can look down and hopefully say, "Yeah, those are my kids. I set them up for each other, and they're doing a pretty good job and they're making me smile!" I want all that I do to glorify God including my relationships.

So, yeah, that's it. Live in truth. It's important!

A 180-degree Turn Around

Before you being reading, watch the above video because it's really kinda where we're about to go! 

You've watched the video now? Good! Fantastic! Lovely! Let's get started. 

I was shown this video about a year to a year and half ago. I really don't remember the exact date, but it came up as me and my dad were having a discussion on "proselytizing." For those of you that are thinking, "What the heck is proselytizing?!" It's basically telling people that there is a heaven and hell, and if you aren't a Christian, then you are going to hell. At the time, I was pretty adamantly against the idea proselytizing because I felt like it would just offend people and turn them away, and I really just left the topic alone until two nights ago.

Two nights ago, I was having a conversation with a good friend of mine through SWAT, and we had a whole discussion on opinions and when do you share opinions and when do you not, and I remember one of my replies said, "The question becomes is proselytizing ever the right approach?" and then my next reply said, "Playing devil's advocate, what kind of person then gets the fire and brimstone spiel, and which one gets the 'Jesus loves you and I'm not going to tell you about hell spiel'?"

The conversation really got me thinking, and then last night at house church,  God really opened my eyes to the concept. Now, however long since that initial conversation with my father, my opinion has completely changed. 

Here's the deal. First, let's think about Hell. Yes, my junior year of high school, I did a research paper on Hell when we studied Dante's inferno and dug into whether or not it was real and a whole bunch of opinions on the topic of Hell, but really none of that applies at all here. Hell- what is it? Well, it's the place where Satan dwells, a place of torment and misery, a place of eternal damnation, a place of well, hell.... But why is Hell hell? Why? Because the people are completely cut off from God. Can you imagine that? Being completely 100% cut off from God. Psalm 5:4-6 says, "You are not a God who takes pleasure in evil; with you the wicked cannot dwell. The arrogant cannot stand in your presence; you hate all who do wrong. You destroy those who tell lies; bloodthirsty and deceitful men the Lord abhors." or look at Psalm 28:4-5, "Repay them for their deeds and for their evil work; repay them for what their hands have done and bring back upon them what they deserve. Since they show no regard for the works of the Lord and what his hands have done, he will tear them down and never build them up again." And verses like that are all throughout the Psalms. Hell is hell because those who stand there can't see God, can't feel God, and I hate to say it but God does not love them anymore. Some people are going to get a little offended or uptight about that last statement, but it's true. Those in Hell are unloved by God. Go take a look at the story of Lazarus and the rich man in Luke 16! 

So, here we have Hell, being completely cut off from God. Take a couple of moments and seriously think about that concept of being 100% cut off from God. And then return to reading!

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So, back to our discussion, if I really care about you, then I'm not going to want you to go to Hell. Well, duh! But if I really care about you, then why am I not telling you about it? Why am I not explaining to you that the only way to eternal life and eternal dwelling with God is through Jesus Christ and His death on the cross and resurrection, and that to not accept that means eternal dwelling in Hell? 

I've really thought about that the last couple of days. I would say 99% of the time, we don't share the FULL truth because we are afraid of the social consequences. It might be awkward. It might cause them to not like me. It might cause some hostility. Whatever that consequence might be. And really, the real problem is that I really don't care about you. I care about my personal comfort, because if I really really cared about you, then I would be sharing the Full truth with you because I would deeply care about your eternal dwelling place. I would deeply care that you wouldn't be rejoicing in Heaven with me in front of the Almighty God! And what do we think the apostles were doing? I don't think they were preaching the "warm and fuzzies" gospel that is all full of love and soft teddy bears and blankets like a infant's nursery. The apostles were telling people that there was only one way to Heaven- go look at Peter's spill in Acts 4, "Rulers and elders of the people! If we are being called to account today for an act of kindness shown to a cripple and are asked how he was healed, then know this, you and all the people of Israel: It is by the name of Jesus Christ of Nazareth, whom you crucified but whom God raised from the dead, that this man stands before you healed. He is 'the stone you builders rejected, which has become the capstone.' Salvation is found in no one else, for there is no other name under heaven given to men by which we must be saved." 

That concept blew me away. If I care about you, I would share the Full truth with you. End of story. We need to quit sugar-coating. We like this whole gospel of, "Jesus love you, and forgives you for your sins. Now, just accept Him as your personal Lord and Savior, and that's it, that's all you have to do." We deny that Hell exists because we ignore the concept and the consequences that Hell brings. My conviction comes when I realize what Jesus did on that cross. He did not just forgive me of my sins. He took the punishment that was rightfully MINE, but even more than that, His grace and mercy and forgiveness is that He saved me from Hell. He saved me from eternal death and fire. Because of that we love Him (which we should love Him anyways, but we are corrupted humans...); We love him because of his saving grace and love. So, if I TRULY care about someone, I will place my personal comfort aside, and place someone else's eternal comfort in front of me. I will share with them that I love them SOOOOOOOOO much that I want them to receive eternal life, that I want them to be with me in Heaven, and that it pains me to no end to know that they will not be in the place of rejoicing. We need to value others as God values them, sharing with them the full truth and stop the constant sugar-coating. 

We are now wrapping up. "Morgan, you've seemed to be on a little bit of soap box." It's true. I have been so convicted over the last couple of days of the lousy job that I've been doing of caring about others. I have placed my personal comfort and desires above love others. I can't just show people the light of Jesus Christ through my actions and the occasional Christian Tshirt or cross necklace. I need to love them and invest in them, and ask questions, and really create relationships to where I know that I fully shared the truth with you. And part of it has been personal fear of the social consequences. But look at Luke 12:4-5, "I tell you, my friends, do not be afraid of those who kill the body and after that can do no more. But I will show you whom you should fear: Fear him who, after the killing of he body, has power to throw you into hell. Yes, I tell you, fear him." or how about Ezekiel 3:18-19, it's always stopped me in my tracks, "When I say to a wicked man, 'You will surely die,' and you do not warn him or speak out to dissuade him from his evil ways in order to save his life, that wicked man will die for his sin, and I will hold you accountable for his blood. But if you do warn the wicked man and he does not turn from his wickedness or from his evil ways, he will die for his sins; but you will have saved yourself."  Ouch. That one hurts. But there is no reason to be afraid- Ezekiel 2:6-7"And you, son of man, do not be afraid of them or their words. Do not be afraid, though briers and thorns are all around you and you live among scorpions. Do not be afraid of what they say or terrified by them, though they are a rebellious house. You must speak my words to them, whether they listen or fail to list, for they are a rebellious house." We have a strength unlike any human strength that comes from God, and we must go. We must use the example the apostles set for us, and share the Gospel with those that have not heard or have not accepted. We must care for others like God cares about them. 

And as an ending, I pray over each one of you Psalm 20, 

"May the Lord answer you when you are in distress;

may the name of the God of Jacob protect you. 

May he send you help from the sanctuary 

and grant you support from Zion.

May he remember all your sacrifices

and accept your burnt offerings.

May he give you the desire of your heart

and make all your plans succeed.

We will shout for joy when you are victorious

and will lift up our banners in the name of our God.

May the Lord grant all your requests.

Now I know that the Lord saves his annointed; 

he answers him from his holy heaven

with the saving power of his right hand. 

Some trust in chariots and some in horses, 

but we trust in the name of the Lord our God.

They are brought to their knees and fall,

but we rise up and stand firm..."