My Response to Marriage Isn't For You

Yesterday, a dear friend of mine emailed the group of us the article about marriage not being for you. I saw the article probably soon after it was written, but didn't have time to read it. When Tammy sent it to me yesterday, I finally sat down and read it. She asked the group for replies of our opinions, and so I wrote mine out. Below is a copy of that. I felt like it might be worth sharing.

I actually saw this article yesterday at some point, but I didn't actually stop to read it because I was probably studying and probably had wayyyy exceeded my procrastination time (much as I have right now, but I decided to write this response anyways :) I feel a snack break coming up too, you know, just a little more procrastination) But I do agree with his dad's advice. I think about the way that Paul outlines relationships in Ephesians. He makes a big point about our responsibility in the relationships that we have, not our rights. Wives are supposed to love and be devoted to their husbands, submissive, making them the leader. If I make a relationship about me and my wants and desires and such, then I become the leader, I take hold of all of the reins, I take control. Truthfully, then, it becomes all about my control and my power. I think it's in that same passage though, that Paul says that a husband is supposed to love his wife like Christ loved the church. Jesus Christ died for the church, he sacrificed his life and placed his rights to the side to come down to earth. It's like 1 Corinthians 7, when Paul says there that a wife's body isn't her own, it's for her husband, but likewise, the husband's body isn't his own, it's for his wife. 

The second a relationship becomes all about me, me, me, we have a glaring problem. Now, does that mean place all of your wants to the side and ignore them. No. I still should be searching for a man who is filled with the love of God and walks strongly with the Lord and has desirable characteristics/personality. It still means that in a marriage, there are times where you may get things that you want- there are times when you need that vacation from the kids, you get that vacation from the kids. 

Now, I will argue to some degree, every relationship is about personal desires because I truly do believe that due to the fall, all humans are innately selfish creatures. Most of our drive is selfishly powered, but through the love and power of Christ, there are times when His work within us, overrides that selfish tendency. I mean that is why He came right? To bring us back into relationship with God when we couldn't be? Which means His power within us allows us to break free of some of the chains that bind us with the goal of breaking all of those chains, though we never will until we stand within those pearly gates. But if you look at non-Christian relationships, you can see the selfish drive, you can see people that are seeking primarily for themselves, and themselves only, and you see time and time again relationships that didn't work. If you then look at most of the relationships that didn't work, typically it comes down to a selfish desire. Someone didn't get what they wanted in some way, whether it be that is displays itself through adultery, or if it was caused by financial issues or what have you. Typically, it boils down to a selfish reason, though not always. 

In the end, a relationship should be solely about 2 things. 1) It has to be about God. It has to be a relationship that is set on the glorification of the Father who so graciously works through us to bring about a better us. 2) It has to be about the other person and who they are, their desires, their life. But as I said earlier, the second I put myself in the number 1 or 2 spot, the train wreck begins. 

Those are my thoughts :)

-Morgan

Original Article: http://sethadamsmith.com/2013/11/02/marriage-isnt-for-you/