The Ebenezer Moment

I wrote a blog post of few nights ago about unusual circumstances and such, and I mentioned that I have several going on at this given moment. Four to be exact on top of my already chaotic and unusual life- not many nursing students choose to work part time, serve as a regional ministry intern, be incredibly active in their church, don’t forget my family either, oh and there is that little thing called exercising that I try to make important. Let’s be honest, I’m a stress addict just like I’m a caffeine addict. No, there is almost never a day that I do nothing. I am always doing something, and there is always something to be done. I make a point of doing a little quiet time when I get up and when I go to bed, but other than that, I’m constantly going. [For those used to Morgan talking about Nap Time. That no longer exists. It was one of the first unnecessary things cut from the schedule.]

When the fourth circumstance [no, I’m not going to tell you what they are due to other parties involved. Some of it is quite confidential.] came about and I was struggling through the acceptance and what it meant, all I wanted to do was sit with God. It took everything in me to get things done and not just sit with some worship music playing and my Bible open and not listen to another Dr. Art Azurdia sermon online. All I wanted to do was sit in His presence all the time.

That was when I realized that there comes a point, a breaking point of sorts, when you don’t want to be in the presence of God out of desire per say. You want to be in His presence out of necessity and desperation. You reach a point when no human being can comfort you, no human being will have the right words, no human being will get it right in that particular moment. I will never forget a few years back, we were coming back from a church camp that summer and on the way back we got some devastating news (Long Story), and I remember that it tore me apart. Like I’m not kidding. Very few people have seen me legitimately angry, and very few people have seen be ball my eyes out like true sobs. I was at that sobbing point, and one of the leaders on the trip just came over and hugged me and what was said was perfect “Morgan, I’m not going to tell you that it’s going to be alright because right now, you don’t want to hear that. You just let it out.” I stood there sobbing with arms around me for several minutes.

There comes a time where like was recognized in the story, that words won’t fix it, nothing will except Jesus and the presence He brings along with Him. I think getting to that point should be one of those Ebenezer- place a memorial in that spot- moments. It shows that we don’t have it all together, we can’t have it all together, and no one else can fix it for us. A place where God is so incredibly necessary and you are so desperate because He is so necessary. It’s one of those, If God doesn’t show up, my ship is sunk, moments. They are some of the hardest moments to be in quite honestly, especially for someone like me who like independence and self-reliance.  Do I have this down perfectly? No, but like a good friend of mine told me last Wednesday night, “Morgan, God gave you all of these circumstances at the same time so that you wouldn’t try to do everything in all of them. You just have to surrender it all.” It is a daily surrender for me, sometimes hourly, but it’s a bunch of stuff where God will have to move.

There comes a point when you don’t want to be in the presence of God out of desire, but out of necessity and desperation.